Who are you?

I was having a conversation the other day and a comment was made.
"I'm not going to change who I am."
So, I started thinking.
Who are you? Why would you not change?
I started thinking about my life and how many times I've said those exact words. Most of the time when I was fighting with someone.
"I'm not going to change who I am. I'm not going to lose myself. I'm not going to compromise my testimony." Ect Ect.
But, who am I?

Am I an over emotional 23 year old?
Am I a mom of two boys and wife to a soldier?
Am I a student, a teacher, a coach?
Am I a depressed, stressed, addict?
Am I a hard worker, a ditch digger, a doctor, a nurse, a pipeliner?
Am I a tall, blonde, fashionista?

You could say yes to a lot of that. But the answer is no.

Do I enjoy shopping? Yes. Do I enjoy going to school? Yes. Do I enjoy being a mom and wife and sister and friend. Of course.

Do I say the occasional cuss word? Do I lose my cool? Do I struggle with anxiety and addiction? Yep.

But that's not who I am.

Do I need to change and work on a lot of stuff? Yep.

But that's not who I am.

I am the daughter of a KING. A living, breathing, King. I am a princess. I am flawless and fearless in the eyes of my Lord and Savior. I am washed. I am happy. I am beautiful.

You see, too often we compare ourselves to others. To other christians. To other marriages. To other parents.

But that's not who we are.

We are children that were breathed into our mothers womb by the breath of the ALMIGHTY GOD.
We are disciples of Jesus Christ.

{{Genesis 2:7, Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139:13}}

Some of you may water this all down and think, yeah. Duh.

But, can you please take one minute and think about how awesome that is?!

Who cares that you filed bankruptcy or went to rehab. Who cares that you have tattoos and you haven't shaved your legs. Who cares that you have a brand new car and some "J's" or a 13 year old car and your socks don't match.

Who cares?! That's not who you are. That's not who I am.

Because, one day. I will have an infinite amount of purses and shoes. I will have a castle and a crown, (tiara). I will have so much formula that I never worry again. I will have all the pizza I could dream of. And, coffee. Rivers and rivers of coffee.

Most importantly, I will have no more pain. No more hurt. No more shame. No guilt. No anxiety. No fear.

I will get to worship my God with him right beside me.

So. I've said those words.
"I'm not going to change who I am"
And, I did change.
I realized my only purpose in this thing we call life.

Who are you and why would you not change?

All that I am.
Katie ♡

Dear Mama..

Dear Mama, you are appreciated.
*anyone that knows anything about life starts singing Tupac right now*
I want to tell you why you are appreciated. Of course there are all the cliche things we thank you for, like cooking supper and kissing our boo boos, but I'm here to tell you the real things we thank you for.
1. You always let me crawl in bed with you, whether I was five and I was having nightmares or I was eighteen and my period was getting the best of me. You always snuggled me until I fell asleep.
2. You bought me that dress. For pageants, for Easter Sunday, for prom, for the hell of it. You went without so that I always felt beautiful.
3. You fought for me. Even when I was wrong. You had my back under no circumstances.
4. You followed my every move. You were by my side on my first day of school and you were dragging me out of places I didn't need to be.
5. You spanked me and you made me eat soap. When I was shooting my sister with the paintball gun and when I was lying to you. You taught me that there will always be consequences to my actions.
6. You answered me every time I yelled your name.
7. You held my hand. When I fell off my bike and when I was in labor. You never let it go.
8. You kept me in church. And gave me and all my peeps a guilt trip when we didn't want to go.
9. You never stopped praying. For me. For my dad. For my friends. For my enemies.
10. You welcomed me back with forgiving arms every single time I messed up.
11. You love not only me and my siblings unconditionally but you love people that don't deserve your love.
12. You never let me leave without me knowing how much you loved me.

I sit back and I look into the eyes of my children and I know now. I know the pain I caused. I know the hurt. I know the happy. I know the love.
I used to look at some people's kids and think "how could they stand there and let that happen, how could she not kick him out, let her go, wash her hands from them?"
I know now.
I know why you never gave up on me.

and for that, you are appreciated.
Happy Mother's Day to the best mom in the world.

All That I Am ,
Katie ♡

You broke my heart, thank you.

I'm only writing to tell you how much I appreciate you. Yes. You. The boy that broke me.
You're probably extremely happy and have a steady paycheck and a beautiful wife by now, maybe even a kid or two, how awesome is that?
I'm finally happy for you, and I'm thankful that I'm not there.
I think about you every now and then, when a movie plays or a song comes on that we sang together.
3 years ago I would have found you and cussed you out everytime that song played. Today, I thank you.
I thank you for the good times and the bad.
See, I thought you were "the one". I thought we'd grow up and grow old together and when you left. Boy, I thought my life was ruined.
But, God had a better plan.
When you broke me, He picked me up and glued the pieces back together.
When you told me I was ugly. He showed me how beautiful I am.
When you lied to me, He told me the truth.
When you made me cry and ache and want to die, He showed me real love. He made me want to live.
When I prayed for you to come back, He said no. Over and over and over.
Thank God for unanswered prayers.
He showed me that in order to love someone else the way He calls us to love, I have to love Him first. With every ounce of my being.
It was hard. Believe me. But, I thank you.
Because now I have someone who actually LOVES me. Every single bit of me.
Someone who will spend their last dime on me a new purse, someone who will walk in the pouring rain to get me something out of my car, someone who will hold my hair while I puke, someone who will bring me toilet paper when they're already in bed, someone who will not only die for me but will live for me, day in and day out.
And you see, that's love.
If I had to go back and do it all over again, I would one hundred times.
So, if I ever cross your mind, know that I'm not mad and I'm certainly not broken anymore, I thank you. For everything.

All that I am,
Katie♡