BECAUSE I SAID SO.

I often blog about my struggles that I had or have facing particular sins in my life, things I've overcome or that I'm still battling.
Not today.
Today we are going to talk about my biggest struggle.

MOTHERHOOD.

I remember one time when I was younger I was getting my butt tore up for something, I'm sure I didn't deserve it but that's not the point, 😂😂,
and my dad looked at me and said
"This hurts me way worse than it hurts you"

HAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH RIGHT.

Jerk.

Right then I swore I would "never raise my kids the way they treated me"

(Oh my gosh, like I had a horrible childhood? So spoiled.)

But that was actually my thought process.

I also remember the day that I had to spank Oakley harder and meaner and more firm than I had ever done it before...

"This hurts me more than it hurts you" was the only thing I could think to say. Those words stung. I finally knew what my parents meant all those times.

The times when I heard
• because I said so, that's why.
• I don't care who else is going, you're not.
• not on a school night.
• I am only doing this because I love you.
• look at me in the eyes.

Oh my goodness there are so many more. And every time I accidently quote my mom or dad, it burns coming up. Almost literally.

But I get it. I took (and still take) for granted the awesome role models I had as parents, for not only me, but my friends and their siblings.

I am in constant worry for my children. CONSTANT.
I never stop thinking about who they will be, what they will do, who they will marry, will they get married, will they have a good education, will they make it that far?

And my kids are 6 and 9 months.
I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!!

Why did God put me in charge of two actual human people? Doesn't he know I can barely get myself in the shower and out of my sweatpants?!

And they are boys.. oh my gosh.
Do you people know how NASTY boys are? I literally can never get the "wet dog" smell out of Oakley's hair and Malachi would eat all the ladybugs in my house if I would let him. They are always hungry. ALWAYS. Dirt, mud, bugs, grass, poop... doesn't phase them. AND they go from sun up until sun down.

I'm failing at this thing everyday. Every. Single. Day.

But, you know what?
That's okay. Tomorrow is a new day. With a clean slate. And God's mercy is new EVERYDAY.

That's how I do this.

I don't make cute little lunches with the proper portions of fruits and veggies.
I don't iron any slacks.
I don't read bed time stories.
I don't do time out and inside voices.

I do this the best way I can, day by day, my kids are alive, so that's gotta count for something.

Surely I'm not alone in this.
Just hang in there momma.

All That I Am,
Kathryn ♡♡♡